Baelin strikes again.....

Mrs. Incredible decided that it was time for her to go back to work for a few days this week. So Wednesday was my first day with Baelin on my own. This of course is no problem for someone of my many talents and skills. What I found out later was that I was out of practice for what all a 2 year old can throw at you.
My day began like normal. I arose from my slumber to find the two littlest ones still sleeping away in thier beds. Ahhhh...some quite time. Mom had run the oldest to school on her way to work so I had nothing to do but prepare for my day. A bit later the middle child awoke to find that she got to be home with Daddy today. She actually prefers it this way beacuse she knows I will take her to the church with me to work and she can play. Then shortly later the youngest daughter awoke. She did not seem to mind that it was just me so I was relieved. She let me hold her for just a little bit and then she was ready for some breakfast. So off the the kitchen I went to accomodate the little ladies in some fine dinning cuisine.
A glass of chocolate milk and a couple of powdered doughnuts for the middle one, and some granola and apple juice for the youngest one. Now Baelin has not been drinking as much as we think she should be at times, but she is getting better everyday. On this day however I decided to try some apple juice on herfor the first time. (I should have diluted it...I know that now.) The apple juice of course was a hit! She drank a whole glass really fast and then followed it up with another one. With breakfast being done it was off to the next item for the day.
Scurry around the house and get the gals dressed up to go get tags renewed on the vehicles, and then off to get Baelin's Social Security Card. This venture proved a bit harder than I thought it would. The people at the social security office had evidently never gave a social security card to a child adopted oversees, but was a U.S. Citizen. They were very perplexed and they really started to aggrevate me after an hour and a half. Did I cave in? No, I pushed on. I entertained both girls the entire time we were there and no one got fussy or upset. "I can handle this....it is like Bax and Blaise all over again right?" I thought.
The next venture was off to Lowe's to get a few items for the church. We have buggies in so I sat them both in there and I played with Baelin as I pushed them around. There is also many cool things to let your kids play with while you shop in Lowe's. All was good for a while and then the first real challenge of the day. Blaise had to go to the bathroom really bad. So off to the men's room in a giant hardware store. You can imagine how well the bathrooms are cleaned. It is not as bad as the squatty potties in China...but it runs a close second. I did however manage to find that it was empty and there was a handicap stall that was actually clean. So there we go. Set Baelin down and assist Blaise. I managed to keep Baelin from sticking her hands in the comode and get Blasie's buisness done without a hitch. Point for Daddy!
Then off to Wal-mart for a few items for us and a few things for the church. I forgot my wallet in the truck but remembered it before I got started good and ran back to the truck to retrieve it. Small glich, but no one was injured and we were back inside carrying on with our shopping in no time. I asked my daughter what she wanted for lunch on the way home and we agreed to some Mexican food. So off to the register with my items to check out and then to luch.
I was feeling really good about myself at this point. I had this 2 year old care down pat. I thought I had picked right up where I had left off when Blaise was still 2. Well, It was at that time the Lord thought I was getting to cocky and decided to bless me with the gift of humility.
I looked down at Blaise and her face made that half smile while her cheeks got real red. You know when they are making you a gift in thier diaper for you to tend to shortly after they are done making faces. Yeah....you all know that look.
At first I was like, "Aww..you making daddy a present aren't you?" while I was unloading the basket on to the conveyor. The cashier oblivious to the creation being performed before her kept right on ringing up my items. Then Blaise made the coment that the baby was stinky. I had not really noticed until then that the odor was quite rank and the plume of the baby aroma was increasing by the second. I looked down at Baelin and noticed her pants were a bit wet around her inner thighs. That is when it hit me! This is not going to be a pretty diaper to change!!
I picked her up a little and things went down hill fast. The aromatic liquid like substance, that had come from the inner areas of who knows where, were not content with being contained to the area of origin. They wanted out and they chose every avenue of escape at once. Up the back over the pants and dripping onto the floor! Now most people would loose it at this point, but I am a trained professional and Hero's do not loose thier cool.
I did the most rational thing I could thing of. I pulled her shirt down as far as it would go down her back and put it under her butt to contain the seepage from going anywhwer else. I reached for the diaper bag to grab some wipes, just to realize it was still in the truck. Did I panic here? No, I simply used a reciept I had in my pocket to clean the little drop of dribble off the floor and then stood up real quick, swiped my card, and grabbed my bags. I was sweating like crazy and getting flush from embarresment....but absolutely was not panicing!
Blaise is pinned to the corner of the buggy now holding her nose and making all kinds of stinky gestures with her hands and the lady behind the registered had just got a nice sense of the essence of the moment as I was walking away. I did not look back! I bolted for the door as if I had stolen something and made it to the truck.
I quickly unloaded everything but the contaminated child and then strategically opened the doors so that no one would see the operation that was about to begin. I reached into my Man Bag. (Defined as: The smaller version of a fully operational diaper bag that is less girly and I don't mind carrying.) And ripped out the wipes and layed them side by side for the operation........I only had three!!! This was a deffinate 15 sheeter but I had to make do like all good soldiers do. Then I pulled out her extra clothes....all I brought was a onesee. Not enough to wear to a mexican resturant of course, so that was for sure off. I then stood my precious child up and carefully removed the contaminated clothing without further spreading of the extremely loose items at hand, being extremly careful not to touch the diaper until I was ready to go all the way. She of course is screaming now and people are looking my way, but I am sure they would have understood if they had come near because the wind was blowing toward the front door. This is the part where I began to panic a little. Several thoughts went through my head...the main one being I am about to ruin my truck seats, and the latter one being I am going to be carrying a soiled child back in to Wal-Mart to finish the cleanup my three wipes are not going to do. Then I sucked it up, regained my compoure, and went to work.
I place her head and upper back precariously on the seat of my truck and held her by the feet dangling the rest of her body in mid air and becan removing all the "stuff" with my three wipes, making sure to get the maximum use out of the first to so that the last one would be left for the fine tunning cleaning. Eureka! I did it...dispite how uncomfortable Baelin might have been those couple of minutes.
I threw everything I stripped off of her straight down on the ground in front of me so that I did not loose my grip or let her touch my seats. Once I had her re-dressed I carried her around to her seat made her smile and buckled her in. Then it was back to my side to collect the dicarded contamination for disposal or washing. I did happen to have enough sense to bring some diaper disposal bags with me, which are sented and came in real handy on the ride home. I retrieved everything with a pencil instead of my hands and then bagged the pencil as well. In to the truck we all go and crank the air on for a second just to find out that it stirs the aroma more. Windows down, McDonalds lunch and then home as fast as I could go before she let me have the rest of the apple juice that I should have diluted that morning when all was well. The rest of the day went fine, I guess I had learned all I needed to that day. The Man Bag is now better stocked and will go with me into the store the next time.
Why do I share this with you? Because that is the kind of guy I am. It is nice to know that you are not the only ones in this crazy world who has had a day like this. You can say you never had but I know you would be lying! Till next time...be prepared.