Fitting In

Over the past few months there have been many miraculous changes in our lives. From the turning of winter in to spring from saying goodbye and hello to old and new members of our family. It is strange to think on where we were this time 3 years ago to now.
Three years ago we had everything planned out. No more surprises and life was on a cruise control setting with no worries in the foreseeable future. Two years ago that cruise control got adjusted and we decided to pursue another child through adoption knowing it would take a while. Life still did not change much. Girls got older, family had fun. Then mom got diagnosed with cancer and things just seemed to go out of control. The gas pedal was broken and we never knew what pace we were going to be running from one day to the next. The wait of answers from test, the wait of answers from the adoption, and nothing seemed to slow down or speed up. The time we had with mom needed to slow down, and the time we had with the adoption needed to speed up. The girls were growing up and learning new things and Jami and I were growing in our marriage. The one thing that wasn't fitting in to this whole equation was time itself. It just seemed like nothing and everything made sense at the same moment.
Now the adoption is over, mom has gone to be with the Lord and time has finally seemed to level out. The Lord has been working inside of me slowly over the past couple of years. The Lord was teaching me new things that I didn't really want to learn, but the Lord is persistent and of course I am getting the learning anyway. I have come to trust more, do less, and be thankful that I have people out there that I can lay some burdens on. I don't have to do everything myself and that others are capable of making coherent thoughts without my help. LOL It has been a work in progress but here I am on the other side. The storm has settled and the calm is here. I don't know what to do with it but I welcome it.
I sat here today and tried to think to time before the kids and could not. Snapshots were there of good times but life before the little gals is gone. Then I tried to just think back to before Baelin and that too is just snapshots. When I think of our life it is always of our family as a whole. There is not one of us without the other. Baelin has become an Incredible and the little quirks of a two year old have come out. She has made the transition from being a lovable, unsure, toddler, to an all out active, destroy what ever looks fun and smile about it toddler. You can not tell she never lived here. She knows our home better than I do and is not afraid of any room anymore. The older girls love to find her when it has gotten too quite for too long and you know there is going to be a surprise when you find her.
She loves to cuddle now, where as before she never wanted to be touched, She loves to swing, and to be thrown around, where before it was a screaming match every time she moved to fast. We have to lock the cabinets up so that she doesn't eat all the fruit snacks in one hour. She knows where everything is kept and knows how to ask for it and much more to manipulate daddy for it. The older two play with her all day and they enjoy trying to teach her new things. She has the cutest smile that she loves to show off now and when you say "I love you" she touches her nose. So that has become our new thing. It started off with Jami trying to hold eye contact with her. Jami would touch her nose while saying "look at me" and then when Baelin would look Jami would say "I love you". Now whenever she hears "I Love You" she touches her nose and smiles!
All is well, the puzzle has been finished and the new box of pieces have been opened. We look forward to figuring out the new one and sharing the many adventures to come.